As i write this my family seems a hundred miles away and everything within me just wishes i could see them all, all together even if it is just for a moment. Even if it is just to say 'i love you' and then walk away. But i know that i cant. I know God has me here in Thailand, some of them in India and some of them in Australia for a reason.
With my family being far away i have really come to appreciate them so much more than i ever did before. It is so sad that the saying 'you dont know how good something is until it is gone' is so very true! Especially when it comes to my family, when i was around them i loved them and i would appreciate them but maybe not enough. When i think of all the pointless fights i had with my siblings and at times with my parents i just want to kick myself. All the times when i said bad things about them, or even thought bad things about them i should have been telling them how much i love them and how i appreciate them.
After a discussion with my mum, dad and little sister on Skype i felt this deep ache in my chest and i just wished i could be where they were. I wished that i could just be in their company, i didnt want to do amazing things with them i just wanted to be with them. We didnt have to even talk, just to be with them, to be in the same room, to be doing things together. Sometimes i feel so lost without them here and i start to question everything i know about myself.
In this life people often search for a place that that they can call home, a place where they feel secure, loved and appreciated. People search for it in all kinds of places and when it is looked for in the wrong places it can cause so much pain and suffering. Being away from my friends and family, being away from all that i have ever known has made me search. Search for a place where i can be accepted for all that i am, the good and the bad, a place where i can be me. Somewhere i can discover who i am and not be rejected for who i become. That place can only be found in God.
'Home is where the heart is' and when you fill your heart with things of this world, that is where your home becomes, in temporary joy, in selfish love, in restless peace. When we search for fulfillment in work, in sports, in money and even in loved ones we will always end up being disappointed. But when our heart is filled with things of God, when we are overflowing with His Holy Spirit than our home becomes one with endless joy, agape love and peace that surpasses all understanding.
I miss my family so terribly and as each day passes i realise how very much they are all such a big part of my life. But God is where my heart is, my home is found in Him and Him alone. A place where i can be me, i can love freely, i can love endlessly, i can love compassionately. So i leave you with this question..
Where has your heart found a home?
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