Someone asked me what i mean by that so this is going to be my attempt at explaining that.
So i am leaving Baan Nam Jai (Home Of the Open Heart) in exactly 2 weeks. My home for the past year where i have had times of sorrow and joy, where i have fallen in love with 11 beautiful children and met so many amazing lifetime friends. I am leaving it all. My home, i am leaving it. I am leaving it to go to my other homes (India and then Australia) and begin a new phase of life and i feel torn. Torn between wanting to stay and wanting to go. Torn between the past and the future.
It is kind of like i am about to get in an elevator and go up to the next floor.. only i dont want to say goodbye. I dont want to have to get in the elevator. I am torn. I am stuck between floors. I am stuck between wanting to stay on the floor i am on now and going up a floor. It is only one more floor right? then why does it seem so much more than that! I am scared of leaving the floor i am on in the past, and i am anxious for the floor above. I never have been afraid of heights but the floor above seems so high up, it seems so far away. I am stuck. I am stuck in the elevator with that cheesy elevator music playing over and over again. But then i hear someone speaking over the loud speaker. He is telling me not to be afraid. He is saying 'trust me!'. He is saying 'this isnt the end!'. 'You are not alone!'. I have heard this voice before and as soon as He speaks i am filled with peace. For i do not know what the future holds, i dont know what the past means but i do know He is in control, He is faithful, He is powerful, and He is God! So i will leave this floor, i will go up and i will pray that one day God will allow me to go down a floor once again, to visit those who i have met, to visit those who all have a place in my heart! And i will go up, not knowing what will be up there, not knowing what to expect as the door opens to the new floor but knowing who will be carrying me, who will be with me every step of the way.
I am torn and at times i feel stuck but i do trust God and i know His plans for me are whats best and i will follow Him wherever He leads me!
Psalm 37
Of David.
1 a]" style="font-size: 0.75em; line-height: 0.5em; ">[a] Do not fret because of evil menor be envious of those who do wrong;
2 for like the grass they will soon wither,
like green plants they will soon die away.
3 Trust in the LORD and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
4 Delight yourself in the LORD
and he will give you the desires of your heart.
5 Commit your way to the LORD;
trust in him and he will do this:
6 He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn,
the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.
7 Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him;
do not fret when men succeed in their ways,
when they carry out their wicked schemes.
