A Place to Call Home

Family is a precious thing. A family can mean many things.

As i write this my family seems a hundred miles away and everything within me just wishes i could see them all, all together even if it is just for a moment. Even if it is just to say 'i love you' and then walk away. But i know that i cant. I know God has me here in Thailand, some of them in India and some of them in Australia for a reason.

With my family being far away i have really come to appreciate them so much more than i ever did before. It is so sad that the saying 'you dont know how good something is until it is gone' is so very true! Especially when it comes to my family, when i was around them i loved them and i would appreciate them but maybe not enough. When i think of all the pointless fights i had with my siblings and at times with my parents i just want to kick myself. All the times when i said bad things about them, or even thought bad things about them i should have been telling them how much i love them and how i appreciate them.

After a discussion with my mum, dad and little sister on Skype i felt this deep ache in my chest and i just wished i could be where they were. I wished that i could just be in their company, i didnt want to do amazing things with them i just wanted to be with them. We didnt have to even talk, just to be with them, to be in the same room, to be doing things together. Sometimes i feel so lost without them here and i start to question everything i know about myself.

In this life people often search for a place that that they can call home, a place where they feel secure, loved and appreciated. People search for it in all kinds of places and when it is looked for in the wrong places it can cause so much pain and suffering. Being away from my friends and family, being away from all that i have ever known has made me search. Search for a place where i can be accepted for all that i am, the good and the bad, a place where i can be me. Somewhere i can discover who i am and not be rejected for who i become. That place can only be found in God.

'Home is where the heart is' and when you fill your heart with things of this world, that is where your home becomes, in temporary joy, in selfish love, in restless peace. When we search for fulfillment in work, in sports, in money and even in loved ones we will always end up being disappointed. But when our heart is filled with things of God, when we are overflowing with His Holy Spirit than our home becomes one with endless joy, agape love and peace that surpasses all understanding.

I miss my family so terribly and as each day passes i realise how very much they are all such a big part of my life. But God is where my heart is, my home is found in Him and Him alone. A place where i can be me, i can love freely, i can love endlessly, i can love compassionately. So i leave you with this question..

Where has your heart found a home?

Unleashing Gods Power

I haven't written here in a while and mainly cause i have been finding it hard to say what i want to say. Life in Thailand is changing constantly with people coming and going all the time and although my schedule hasn't changed lately i have felt like life has been so busy!

A couple of nights ago i went to a meeting at the local YWAM base.. if i am totally honest i didn't really feel like going, i was tired and didn't really feel like socialising. But God knew it was important for me to go so i went. The night was run by a local university campus ministry, they led the worship and a game. As we were worshiping i was overwhelmed with a lot of things. All these struggles that i had been trying to push down and forget about all seemed to come to the surface and i just wanted to run far far away! But as i continued to worship I really felt the presence of God. And as i stood there and saw the young Thai people worshipping God with everything they had in them, with all their hearts i was overcome with such a peace, a hope and a strength! So often i get brought down by the things of this world.. the injustice.. the hopelessness.. the pain.. the suffering.. and instead of giving it all over to God i let it weigh me down, i try to fix, i try to do it in my own strength and of course fail every time.

Unleashing Gods' Power.. how can it be done? when is it to be done? Why does it feel like sometimes God chooses not to reveal His power?

I know that i can not do things in my own strength. I know that when i try to fix things and let all the troubles in this world rest on my shoulders that i fail, i end up exhausted, overwhelmed and disappointed. I know i need Gods strength and power, I know only He can change things, only He can touch peoples lives and break them from the inside. God also uses people to help in difficult situations to break people and transform them. So how do i know when to help? How do i know when to say something, when to listen and when simply to pray and walk away?

I know that as a child of God i have His almighty power and strength with me always. I know that God is always with me and that He will guide me.. but if i am honest, sometimes His voice sounds so faint, His ways and power seem so very far away. Lately with all these people around me who are going through struggles, who are crying out for answers, for help, i have been feeling overwhelmed by it all. How do i show them Gods power? How do i show them the freedom they can come to know through Christ!

Unleashing Gods power can only happen when we surrender all! We trust all we have, all we are into His hands and seek Him with all our heart! And i think sometimes when people ask for the power of God to be revealed to them they put God in a box and expect Him to do it in a certain way or expect something amazing that has never been seen before, and God can do that and He does, but His power can also be seen in the smaller things too, the things we often overlook and don't appreciate. In Thailand i see Gods power in these beautiful kids i get to know better and better as each day passes. I see it in the transformation of their lives over the years. The way in which they have all come from such broken families and yet now have an amazing, loving family, Gods family. I see Gods power in the way in which the Baan Nam Jai staff work together, people from different countries, different backgrounds and from different walks of life all working as one to serve God. I see Gods power in the wind, the trees, the birds, the bees, the sun rising and setting and when i look at how wonderfully and uniquely each of us are made.

Gods power has been unleashed into the world and so many people over look it, ignore it or have been blinded from it. So how can i show it to the world? In Christ alone! In His timing and in His way!

So in those times of when i feel weighed down by the ways of this world and i want to show people Gods power and love.. what do i do? i seek God, His will and His way! I pray that in whatever you are doing, whatever God is bringing you through that you would learn to do the same!

'For i know the plans i have for you', declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and i will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.'

Jeremiah 29:11-13